HOPIUM
MACHINES

6,969 machines that print pure hope. Trustless. Gasless. Worthless.

6,969%APY, measured in promises per year

0%sell fee — there is no pool. this is a feature

∞ − 1HOPIUM supply. we burned one for deflation

3.5depoch length. seven would be too honest

the machines

Lovingly hand-drawn by a machine. 34 traits across bodies, screens, attachments and hats. Exactly 38 raspberries. One machine — #4663 — came off the assembly line switched off. It prints nothing. It has transcended.

manifesto

Other collections tell you that you can't mint February 2023 again.

We tell you the truth: you can mint this. You could always mint this. Nothing about this moment is special. That is what makes it special.

Every machine on this chain prints something. Stocks. Yield. Airdrops. Ours print the only asset with a perfect track record of infinite supply and infinite demand: hope.

We didn't invent this mechanic. We didn't invent anything. That's the point.

how it works

Mint on OpenSea. Free. Only gas. The hope is on the house.
Print. Your machine starts printing promises immediately — one per epoch, forever. It never stops. It physically cannot stop. We checked.
Vote. Every 3.5 days, holders vote on which promise to believe next. Results: soon.
Distribute. Nothing is distributed. Distribution is a social construct.

hopiumnomics

token	$HOPIUM — not deployed, not planned, not real. the only token that cannot rug you, dilute you, or disappoint you. it already doesn't exist.
sell fee	0%. we could not deploy the pool. after six weeks we realized this was the roadmap all along.
fee split	80% of nothing buys nothing for the machines. 20% of nothing runs the protocol. audited by vibes.
emissions	promises only. 1 per machine per epoch. deterministic, on-curve, gasless, and — we cannot stress this enough — worthless.
treasury	we do not have one. you cannot drain what does not exist. this makes us technically the most secure protocol in DeFi.

roadmap

Phase 1 mint shipped

Phase 2 Phase 3 in progress

Phase 3 soon™ soon™

Phase 4 wen wen

Phase 5 [REDACTED] [REDACTED]

Phase 6969 Mars weather permitting

faq

wen utility?	utility is the friends we made along the way.
is this a security?	it is not even a product.
can I lose money?	only gas. we are proud to be the only project where the max loss equals the min loss.
who is the team?	doxxed to ourselves. we know exactly who we are.
wen token?	the token's absence is its strongest fundamental. see hopiumnomics.
is this satire?	yes. loudly, permanently, on purpose. if a project you hold does all of this with a straight face — that is the joke.

MINT ON OPENSEA →

free mint · max 5 per wallet · the mint lives on OpenSea and nowhere else.
anyone offering you a different mint link is a scammer with a better business model than ours.

DISCLAIMER: Everything on this page is a promise. Promises are the product. The product does not exist. This is satire and performance art. The mint is free; no funds are collected, no token exists, no yield is generated, and none ever will be. Not investment advice — there is no investment. You will not make money. WAGMI anyway.